I Heart You
by SmurfLuvsCookies
Summary: In which Bixlow shows Lisanna the joys of his favorite holiday. One-shot.


_**Author's Note:** Something I whipped up in my free time, because I felt like Lisanna and Bixlow need a bit of lovin'. A bit more adult than usual, but nothing extraordinarily graphic. Nevertheless, hope you enjoy. :)_

 _Fairy Tail is the property and copyright of Hiro Mashima._

* * *

 **I Heart You**  
by: SmurfLuvsCookies

Generally, there are two broad categories of men: those who succeed in delighting their significant other on Valentine's Day, and those who—for better or worse—inevitably wake up single on February fifteenth.

Since puberty, Bixlow had consistently identified with the latter group, when he'd bothered to participate in Valentine's Day at all. More often he would prowl the overflowing bars, preying on the disappointed girlfriends of his kindred. One year he brought home a different vengeful woman for an entire week straight. He was an expert at wiping away sloppy Valentine's Day blunders. All a woman really wanted was a good time—and if the euphoric screams at night were anything to go by, Bixlow always delivered on his promise. The fourteenth of February was Bixlow's favorite holiday.

(Unfortunately, his noisy and crude late-night antics had nurtured such a profound hatred in his roommate that Fried absolutely refused to celebrate Valentine's Day, costing him the company of many lovely women whom Bixlow strictly avoided during his perusals.)

Only twice in his spotty dating career had Bixlow sincerely tried to impress someone on Valentine's Day: his first long-term girlfriend, Bethany, who had secretly dated him for exactly three months before her poor, oblivious husband arrived early from his business trip to surprise her in the middle of Bixlow's meticulously prepared candle-lit dinner; and Lydia, who was so exciting in bed that Bixlow had actually drunkenly proposed to her after a fancy V-Day dinner and woke up the next morning immediately regretting her acceptance, which upon his confession she swiftly amended (followed by the best break up sex he'd ever had).

Though as a boyfriend he was flawless in nearly every other aspect, Valentine's Day was something of an Achilles Heel for him. But this Valentine's Day, he was determined to get it right. He was not going to screw it up. Not with Lisanna.

He would never admit it, but Evergreen had probably saved his life two weeks prior to the event, when she was ranting to him and Laxus about Elfman's inability to reserve them a booth at some fancy French restaurant. "He procrastinated, so of course there were no more seats available," she rambled on, waving her paper fan irately. "Luckily for him, I knew he'd botch it so I went ahead and made reservations last month. I let him have a chance, though, gave him the benefit of the doubt, and he blew it. As usual. The imbecile."

"Is making a back-up reservation really giving him the benefit of the doubt?" said Laxus, who Bixlow couldn't believe was actually listening. "Maybe he had some other surprise plans for you two."

"Oh, please," Evergreen snorted. "If I'd left it up to him, we would spend Valentine's Day chowing down on greasy heart-shaped pizza and passion-fruit slushies at the pit stop."

Bixlow's lolling head popped up. "Valentine's Day?"

"Yes, haven't you been listening at all?" Evergreen snarled.

"No, of course not. When do I ever listen to you?"

"Your first problem," Evergreen pointed out, snapping her fan shut.

"I can't believe you of all people forgot Valentine's Day is two weeks away," Laxus said, effortlessly steering the conversation away from an argument. "You're usually counting down the days and scoping out bars to hit by now."

"Disgusting," Evergreen interjected.

"With impossible standards like yours, there's no way you haven't gone home with someone like me on Valentine's Day," Bixlow retorted. His babies cheerfully accused Evergreen of hypocrisy.

"I'd never go home with anyone like _you_."

Laxus ignored them, musing, "It must be Mira's sister."

"How twisted," Evergreen remarked. "You finally land a nice girl, and for the first time you don't prepare for Valentine's Day weeks in advance. What's wrong with you, hard head?"

"I'm going with Ever on this one," Laxus said.

"Valentine's Day is two weeks away! It's not like I don't got time to plan something!" Bixlow objected, feeling defensive toward their unfair scrutiny. As far as reformed womanizers went, he was doing a remarkable job catering to monogamy. Not that Lisanna made it difficult—nearly six months, and his wanderlust mind had stayed firmly concentrated on her eyes, her smile, her ass. If anything, his indifference to Valentine's Day was a testament to his incredible devotion.

"Has she said anything about it yet?" Laxus inquired.

"No, nothin'. She probably forgot, too."

Evergreen tipped back her head and laughed. "Honestly, how dense can you be? Of course she's not going to bring it up! She expects you to surprise her with something. It's your first Valentine's Day together, after all. You've got to do something really impressive."

 _Impressive_ crashed down on Bixlow's shoulders like a two ton weight. He looked to Laxus for confirmation, rewarded only with a solemn nod. "What? That mean a nice dinner? A gondola ride?" he suggested frantically. "I can do that. Easy."

Bixow wasn't sure what terrified him more: the aura of disapproval coming from even his babies, or the look of genuine sympathy that flashed across Evergreen's shrewd features. "Look," she said, slapping her fan down on the table to emphasize her words. "That shit is too generic. That might work for some mediocre girl you just started dating, or who you really don't care about impressing, but we both know Lisanna deserves better than that for dealing with your sorry, hopeless ass. You've got to do something sentimental. Something special to you two as a couple. You're not celebrating romance—you're celebrating your romance _with her_. Think of it this way: if you plan something that you can see yourself doing with another girl, then don't do it."

Even Laxus seemed daunted. Evergreen stood and scoffed at their petrified faces before she sauntered over to the bar for another drink.

"Women," Laxus growled into his cup. He glanced at Bixlow, who by the end of Evergreen's speech had temporarily withered into a husk. Gingerly he pressed a hand to his shoulder. "Good luck, man. Good luck."

* * *

Fortunately for Bixlow, two weeks proved ample time to prepare for his first (and hopefully not last) Valentine's Day with Lisanna. He even ran the plan by her sister to make absolutely sure it was adequate. His description brought the barmaid to tears.

"So…you think she'll like it?" he asked uncertainly.

"She's going to love it!" Mirajane shrieked. Bixlow shushed her, looking around nervously. Lisanna was supposedly working, but she liked to sneak up on him at the bar, knocking a fist on the back of his visor or—when her sister wasn't around—copping a swift feel under the counter top. Mirajane clapped a hand over her mouth and giggled. "Sorry, I guess you are trying to surprise her. Oh, Bixlow, this is so wonderful! Lisanna's never really had an opportunity to celebrate Valentine's Day with a boyfriend. No offense, but I honestly didn't expect you to put in much effort."

"Yeah, guess I deserve that," Bixlow admitted.

Mirajane sighed and rested her chin on her fist. "Yes, well, at least you were sure to remember. You used to always go on about V-Day—but I'm fairly certain this is the first time the 'V' actually means 'Valentine.'"

Bixlow choked on his beer.

"I'm just glad I don't have to kill you," the barmaid concluded, shooting him a dazzling smile from under the fringe of her pale bangs. "You've grown on me, Bixlow. You're good for my sister. It would have been a shame, had you done something stupid and ruined Valentine's Day for her forever."

"Well, Valentine's Day ain't here yet," Bixlow laughed anxiously.

Mirajane's darling smile only grew wider. "Oh, I know," she said with dangerous charisma. Then she straightened up and answered Wakaba's demanding shouts for more booze. As an afterthought, she turned and shot him a pretty wink. "Good luck!"

Bixlow knew he had just been warned.

He spent the next two weeks working ruthlessly to arrange everything and keep Lisanna ignorant, asking the barmaid to let him know if she started getting suspicious. Luckily his deviant reputation seemed to annihilate any expectation Lisanna might have had for the lover's holiday. According to Mirajane, she hadn't even brought it up.

Only once did she come close to discovering everything, when Bixlow was finishing up the schematics of the event at the bar. Suddenly he felt two ice-cold hands slip under the back of his shirt. He yelped, shooting out of his seat and accidentally scattering the papers everywhere.

"Sorry!" Lisanna laughed. "I didn't realize you were working on something. Here, let me—"

"I got it!" Bixlow barked, more aggressively than he'd intended. Lisanna reeled back as he snatched the papers from her grip, the babies sweeping the rest into his arms before he stuffed them recklessly into his pack. When he looked up, her pretty pink face was crumpled in distress.

"Sorry," she said again, crossly. Her chapped nose dipped into the warm wool curl of her scarf, a gesture aggravatingly reminiscent of the Salamander. "You're working on something important. I'll leave you—"

"Don't do that," Bixlow sighed. His babies nudged gently at her short windblown hair. "I didn't mean to snap at you, babe, just…took me by surprise, that's all."

"That's alright," Lisanna said, offering him a smile over her scarf. She lifted her hands out of her pockets and wiggled her fingers. They were light blue from the cold February air. "I probably shouldn't go around attacking people with these, huh?"

"Weapons of mass destruction," Bixlow agreed solemnly. He took her hands and pressed her knuckles to his lips, cupping his hot breath around them with his palms. After a few seconds he grinned and took her left ring finger in his mouth, giving the appendage a light nip before twirling his tongue around it.

"Bixlow!" Lisanna squealed, face flaming.

"Threat neutralized," he snickered. She brought her hands to her chest and wiped the gleaming finger on her coat.

"You could've just bought me a drink instead."

"Yo, two hot apple ciders!" he ordered.

Lisanna climbed onto the bar stool next to him, grinning at her sister as she delivered the ciders. "What were you working on so diligently before I interrupted you?"

"Uh, just somethin' for a job," Bixlow fibbed clumsily, avoiding eye contact with Mirajane.

Lisanna clearly wasn't convinced, but the barmaid came to the rescue. "Speaking of," she interjected smoothly, "how did that request from Mr. Yamma go?"

Lisanna rolled her eyes and launched into a provocative story of Mr. Yamma's infamously mismanaged appliance shop. A Fairy Tail mage accepted a request from him about every other week. "I honestly don't know how all those bats got trapped in the refrigerators," complained the latest of his victims.

Bixlow finished his cider in three quick gulps and rose from the stool, swinging his pack over his shoulder. "I'd love to sit here and chat, but I got summore of this stuff to take care of."

"Anything I can help with?" Lisanna asked.

"Nah, seith magic stuff. 'Sides, you already worked all day." Bixlow kissed her chilly cheek. "Finish your cider, I'll catch you later."

"Alright," she said, disappointed.

The bitter February wind felt absolutely balmy compared to Mirajane's deadly smile as he ducked out of the guild hall.

* * *

Bixlow woke up early on February fourteenth. His insides were already twisting around. The sensation was so unfamiliar to him that he confided to Fried in the kitchen: "Shit, I think I'm getting sick."

His roommate offered him a vaguely amused, sympathetic look. "You're not sick," he assured. "You're just nervous about your plans with Lisanna." Fried was unusually chipper for mid-February on account of Lisanna's genius suggestion early in her relationship with Bixlow that he use his magic to soundproof the bedroom walls. For the first time in years, he could conclude his uneventful Valentine's Day with a night of uninterrupted, soundless sleep. He had even helped Bixlow set a few things up, and promised to retire early so as not to encounter the couple should they inevitably come back to the house to consummate the evening.

"Nervous," Bixlow pondered. His gut gave a lurch of confirmation. "Weird. So this is what that feels like. You're right, I don't like it."

"No one does," Fried sighed, generously offering Bixlow the cup of strong coffee he'd prepared for himself. "But it'll be fine. You've put a lot of thought into this, and if I know Lisanna that will be enough."

"Bein' enough is for pansies," Bixlow declared, babies fervently agreeing. "I'm gonna blow Lisanna's mind. Just you wait."

"And there's that confidence again," Fried drawled. "You know, it occurs to me that maybe you're doing this just to prove everyone wrong. About how you're a manipulative womanizer who only thinks about one thing, and whatnot."

"No, that's not wrong," Bixlow admitted, causing Fried to choke on his second cup of coffee.

"Bixlow! You can't go around saying stuff like that when you're dating Lisanna!"

The self-proclaimed manipulative womanizer shrugged. "Why? She knows that about me. Trust me, I'm not stayin' away from other chicks because I've got morals, or because it's the right thing to do, or some stupid shit like that. I'm doin' it because Lisanna's interesting, and I like her, and I don't really wanna date anyone else when I'm with her."

"That's…" Fried gaped at him, at a loss for words. "That's actually…Bixlow, that's…"

"I know, I know," said Bixlow, polishing his nails on his shirt. "You don't gotta say it. I'm a great guy."

"Actually, you're a scumbag when it comes to women," Fried said dryly. "But I guess even scumbags can find love. I never imagined you'd fall for a girl like Lisanna, but I'm glad you did. I thought I'd have to deal with someone like that girl with all the piercings for the rest of my life."

"You almost did," Bixlow snorted, remembering his drunken proposal to pierced, tattooed, bondage-crazed Lydia.

"What?"

"Nothin'. This conversation's gettin' too mushy for me." His babies chorused variations of his complaint while he downed his coffee and tossed the ceramic mug to Fried, who caught it with an irritated scowl. Bixlow shot him his customary tongue-wagging grin as he left. "And for the record, Fried, there is no other girl like Lisanna."

Again, the rune mage was speechless.

Bixlow's babies startled Fried when they zipped into the kitchen and pried open the refrigerator, exclaiming, "Forgot, forgot, almost forgot!" They left with a bouquet of delicate white flowers. Fried remembered asking Mirajane for Lisanna's favorite. _Wild ones_ , she'd replied after some consideration.

"Wild ones, indeed," Fried muttered to himself, smiling into his coffee.

Bixlow did his best not to crush the fragile wildflowers in his kneading nervous hands. His babies bopped him on the head when they noticed his fingers constricting the bright green stems. "Enough!" he roared at the door, swatting them away. "I got it, I got it!"

Lisanna was standing outside the guild hall, right where Mirajane promised to keep her. Apparently the barmaid had devised a scheme in which Lisanna helped the little dragon slayer girl, Wendy, make a snowman. They were putting on the finishing touches when Bixlow arrived.

"Bixlow!" Lisanna greeted when she noticed him shuffling up the newly-shoveled walkway. Her face was rosy with cold, her dark blue coat dotted with snowflakes, her short white hair sticking out of a baby blue hat with a little silver pom-pom at the top. "Look, isn't our snowman cute?"

"Adorable," Bixlow agreed, eyeing the lumpy thing.

Wendy gave them a shy smile. "Thanks, Lisanna! I'm going to get some hot chocolate now!"

"Wha—don't you want to name it or anything?" The clever girl pretended not to hear and waved as she rushed inside the guild. Lisanna shrugged, looking mildly disappointed, and turned back to Bixlow. "I can't believe it's still snowing so late in the season—what are those?"

Bixlow jumped when she pointed to the flowers. "They're for you," he said immediately, holding them out to her. "Sorry, they're kind of smashed."

"For me?" Lisanna raised her eyebrows and smiled as she gently gathered the slender bouquet in her hands. "Wow, Bixlow, they're beautiful. Wildflowers…how did you even get these?"

"Not important," Bixlow dismissed. He had actually made a trip to Porlyusica, whose enchanted garden was safe against the winter frost. She had mercilessly charged him for every little bloom, indifferent to his moving Valentine's Day testimonial. "You like 'em, right?"

"They're my favorite. Thank you." Lisanna reached on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. Her hand snaked around his arm, resting lightly on his elbow. "Come on, I'll treat you to a warm drink. Wendy cornered me before I could even go inside."

Bixlow frowned. He hadn't planned on spending any time in the guild today. "Well, I thought we could go do somethin' actually," he told her. "Just you and me…and the babies, of course."

"Yeah, us too! Don't forget about us!" the babies chorused.

"Oh," Lisanna said, blinking. Then she gave him a brilliant smile. "Well, that's a pleasant surprise. It sounds fun. Just let me tell Mira where I'm going so she doesn't worry."

Bixlow conceded, and opened the door for her, mentally preparing himself for the sights within.

Mirajane always decorated the guild for the holidays, and Valentine's Day was no exception. This year she had apparently channeled her excitement over Lisanna's surprise into the cheesy ornaments, resulting in an absurd display of paper hearts. They swung from the wooden rafters in chains, stuck to the chairs and stools and walls with globs of glittery paste, spun in three-dimensional designs from the light fixtures. Heart-shaped doilies framed the vases stuffed with red roses on every table. And there was candy. Candy everywhere. Boxes of chocolate, candy hearts, lollipops and licorice—every sort of candy one could desire. The décor was so intense that even Juvia seemed perturbed.

Bixlow turned to Lisanna with some wisecrack about reigning in her sister, assuming she had helped the barmaid decorate. But Lisanna analyzed the scene with an expression of absolute horror. Her blue eyes roamed the room, growing wider with each paper heart, until they finally settled on the bundle flowers and then, with guilty reluctance, on Bixlow.

"Oh, shit," Lisanna blurted out. "It's Valentine's Day, isn't it?"

Quite distinctly, Bixlow felt something inside of him crack. He might have made a small noise. Lisanna looked panicked and struggled to amend her mistake, scanning the room until her eyes rested on a package of candy hearts. She pounced on them and handed them to Bixlow, giving him a wide frightful smile. "Ah—here you go! Happy Valentine's Day!"

Silently Bixlow accepted the candy, the package crinkling sadly in his hand. Through the clear plastic he could read the terms stamped onto the chalky surfaces. For some reason, he felt compelled to read them out loud.

"You rock," he said. "XOXO. I heart you."

"Bixlow, I'm sorry," Lisanna sighed, tugging at the ends of her scarf. "I completely forgot about Valentine's Day. No one mentioned it to me. That's no excuse though. It looks like you've really put thought into doing something special, and I couldn't even bother to remember. I'm a horrible girlfriend."

At this, Bixlow tipped back his head and burst into relentless laughter, attracting some worried looks from nearby eavesdroppers who had witnessed the awkward exchange.

"Are you kidding?!" he chortled. "This is great! Shit, Lisanna, you're never livin' this down. I thought I was gonna mess it up, but I was worried for nothin'! This is a load off my shoulders, let me tell you." He offered her his customary tongue-wagging grin and cupped her confused face between his hands. "Damn, I'm the luckiest guy in the world. My girl doesn't even remember Valentine's Day. Ha!"

"You're not disappointed?" Lisanna inquired, her mouth slightly squished by the pressure of Bixlow's palms. "I didn't get you anything. I don't have anything planned, either."

"Well, I wasn't expecting you to get me anything," Bixlow said. "And I got our whole day planned."

"Really? You do?"

"Hell yeah! I'm the master of Valentine's Day, ask anyone!"

"Or not," his babies recommended.

"I still feel bad," Lisanna insisted.

"How about this?" Bixlow said, prodding at the bag of candy hearts until he found the one he wanted. He pointed it out to Lisanna, who suppressed a smile.

"I guess I can handle that," she agreed. She stood on her toes and kissed him lightly on the mouth, rocking back on her heels with a sultry glance.

"Oh, no," Bixlow grinned, "you're not gettin' away that easy!" He tugged her sleeve and pulled her into him, trapping her against him with one arm around her waist and the other at the back of her head, knocking her hat to the floor. Lisanna gave a startled squeak against his mouth, but she threw her arms around his neck and returned the kiss, and the next one, and the next one. Onlookers catcalled and clapped as the couple hungrily devoured each other, until finally Bixlow pulled away and stared at Lisanna's bright, breathless, flushed face for a few seconds.

"Fuck it," he declared. He grabbed her hand and dragged her out of the guild hall and into the snow, ignoring her surprised exclamations and pealing laughter.

"What do you think the chances are that they're actually going to do anything he planned?" Laxus asked Evergreen, who appeared vaguely sickened by the display.

"Zero," Evergreen decided with a glance at Elfman's stricken expression.

Laxus sighed into his cup, "Poor Fried."

* * *

The next morning, a bout of enthusiastic snoring from Bixlow drew Lisanna from a solid, stable sleep. She yawned in his contorted face, relishing the nose-twitch that her horrible morning breath procured. He smacked his lips and rolled over, draping one stinky arm over her head before another hearty snore erupted next to her ear. Lisanna gagged. She wasn't the only one suffering from morning breath.

Lisanna wiggled around in Bixlow's arms until she had access to breathable air, which was still tinged with the sour-sweat smell of marathon sex. In spite of her odoriferous situation, Lisanna laid in Bixlow's sagging mattress sated and content. Her exhausted body was still limp from the endless euphoria of Valentine's Day, but she was already starting to feel inklings of sore muscles and raw skin. She tried to place some of the discomfort and blushed vividly when she succeeded. Even the threat of further muscle fatigue and additional irritation couldn't quell the desire that ripped through her core and down her legs at the fresh memories. She glanced at Bixlow's sleeping face, his toned chest that was hatched with raised scratches, the trail of black hair dividing his abdominal muscles before it disappeared into the swollen lump under the sheets, and instantly became more inflamed. He still looked dog-tired, but she had never known him to turn down morning sex.

Lisanna tried to wake him sweetly at first, in order to instantly mitigate the disruption of his much-deserved rest. She kissed his slack snoring mouth, gently to start and then with more pressure when he didn't respond. She even nibbled, to no avail. Her hand followed the trail of navel hair into the sheet and pumped for a few minutes, but even that failsafe move proved fruitless. He was going to remain stubbornly indifferent until he woke up. Lisanna nudged him with her elbow a few times, and finally resorted to some light suffocation, which only produced another seismic snore and caused Bixlow to roll over again, this time with his back to her. Lisanna pouted and pressed her nose to some particularly gnarly hatching between his shoulder blades, blowing on the spot until the uproar from her stomach overpowered her craving.

She slipped on one of Bixlow's shirts and padded into the kitchen for coffee and cereal. Fried was already there, his back turned to her as he stirred cream and sugar into his own mug.

"Morning," Lisanna greeted cheerfully, ducking into the chaotic refrigerator. She turned and nearly dropped the milk when the force of Fried's glare hit her. The bags under his eyes were as severe as his wrath.

"I hate Valentine's Day," he spat.

Lisanna bit her lip. "I take it the soundproofing didn't hold up?"

Fried's hopeless void of a stare was answer enough.

"I'm sorry you had to hear that," Lisanna said sincerely.

"Me, too," Fried replied. "No offense, but I really can't look at you right now."

"I understand."

The fatigued rune mage took his coffee and the ads from the newspaper, a few FOR RENT ones already viciously circled in bright red pen, and stumbled back into his bedroom with a mighty slam.

Bixlow shuffled into the kitchen a few seconds later in his boxers, running a hand through his blue Mohawk. "What's got up Fried's ass?"

"Nothing," Lisanna sighed. "His ears are another matter entirely."

"What about the—?"

"Didn't work."

Bixlow grinned, evidently proud of himself. Lisanna raised an eyebrow at him and handed him a cup of black coffee. "You know, we should have been more considerate," she said. "Maybe next time we should rent a hotel room or something."

"I'm not spending my good money when I've got a perfectly good bed," Bixlow snorted. "Fried wants peace and quiet on Valentine's Day, he can rent his own damn hotel room."

"That's probably the last place he'll get peace and quiet."

"Well, we sure as hell wouldn't be able to stay, with all the noise we apparently make." A frown dragged his face down. "Sorry we didn't get a chance to do any of that other stuff I had planned."

"That's alright. I didn't have a horrible time," Lisanna teased. "In fact, I would've been up for some more unplanned festivities this morning, but someone wouldn't wake up."

"Oh, yeah?" Bixlow grinned, tongue rolling out. "Well, the morning's not over yet."

Lisanna stifled a yelp when Bixlow rushed forward, trapping her against the counter with eager, thorough kissing. She pulled away with a breathless giggle, holding her mug safely against her chest. "At least let me finish my coffee first!" she objected.

Bixlow grabbed the mug from her hand and dumped the coffee into the sink, letting the ceramic cup tip in after it. "Finished," he declared, crashing back into her mouth. Lisanna felt that hot knife split her down the middle again, turning her body into malleable clay. Bixlow's hands gripped her thighs and he hoisted her onto the counter, pulling her exposed center against him all in one rushed, fluid movement. Her underwear hit her ankles and then fell to the tiles when Bixlow dipped his head down. Lisanna's breathing hitched, and she struggled to manage her panting gasps while he worked with that marvelous, wonderful, talented tongue of his, but he knew by now how to draw whatever delicious sound he wanted from her. The wail of ecstasy rang through the kitchen against her will, and was matched by Fried's incoherent groan of frustration.

Lisanna felt a tradition in the making.


End file.
